There's Something About Mary

Mary: Did you mean what you said up there?

Ted: Well ya I just want you to be happy Mary.

Mary: But I'd be happiest with you.

Ted: What about Bret Fahvera...?

Mary: What did I tell you the first time we met? I'm a Niners fan!

Mary: Hey, you want to go upstairs and watch SportsCenter?

Ted: No, I think I'm just going to quit while I'm ahead.

Mary: You're not that far ahead, Ted.

Mary: Is that... is that hair gel?

Mary: [about Pat] I know he's a little different, but that's what I like about him. He dresses like a complete dork, he chews with his mouth open, he hardly ever says the right thing, and probably farts, too.

Tucker: Oh, that's what you're looking for, is it? A farter?

Mary: No, I'm looking for a guy.

Mary: Who needs him? I've got a vibrator!

Mary: You've been to Nepal?

Pat Healy: Not in months, I don't know why I bought the damn place.

Pat Healy: My real passion is my hobby.

Mary: Really, what's that?

Pat Healy: I work with retards.

Mary: Isn't that a little, uhm, politically incorrect?

Pat Healy: Well, heh, to hell with that... no one's going to tell me who I can and can't work with, right?

Mary: No, I mean...

Pat Healy: We got this one kid, Mongo... He's got a forehead like a drive-in movie theatre, but he's a good ship. So we don't bust his chops too much. So, one day Mongo gets out of his cage...

Mary: They keep him in a cage?

Pat Healy: Well, it's just an enclosure...

Mary: No, but they keep him confined?

Pat Healy: Right, yeah.

Mary: That's bullshit!

Pat Healy: Well, that's what I said! So, I went out and I got him, uh, I got him a leash.

Mary: A leash?

Pat Healy: Yeah, one of those ones you can hook on the clothesline, and he can run back and forth and, uh, there's plenty of room for him to dig and play. That kid is really, uh, he's really blossomed.

Pat Healy: [after hearing Tucker's conversation with Mary] You're gonna pay, fucker.

Pat Healy: What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?

Brett Favre: I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumb ass.

Pat Healy: What, you think yer shit don't stink?

Ted: No, I don't think, I mean, yes it does, no I don't...