The Wolf of Wall Street

Jordan Belfort: 25 grand to the first cocksucker to nail the bulls-eye!

Jordan Belfort: After 15 years in storage, the lemons had developed a delayed fuse. It took 90 minutes for these fuckers to kick in but once they did, *pow.* And I had skipped the tingle phase and jumped straight to the drool phase. These little bastards where so strong I had discovered a whole new phase. The Cerebral Palsy phase.

Jordan Belfort: And if anyone here thinks I'm superficial or materialistic, go get a job at fucking McDonald's, 'cause that's where you fucking belong!

Jordan Belfort: Babe, I spoke to the lawyers again today. I have some really, really great news. Turns out you're completely off the hook, honey.

Naomi Lapaglia: I know that already.

Jordan Belfort: Right! Exactly. In fact, you never did anything wrong in the first place. Turns out all the FBI really wants from me is to cooperate. You know? Turns out I have so much information about the stock market and Wall Street I can save the government years of heartache. Not to mention countless dollars.

Naomi Lapaglia: Mhmm.

Jordan Belfort: But it gets even better, baby. Because if I do decide to cooperate I might only looking at four short years. In which case, you know, we could start fresh. Maybe sell the house. And any fines that I have to pay wouldn't be due until after I've served my term, so we'd still have plenty of money leftover.

Naomi Lapaglia: Mhmm.

Jordan Belfort: The only thing that of course bummed me out a little bit about this whole idea is having to give information about my friends.

Naomi Lapaglia: Well, like you said there's no friends on Wall Street. Right?

Jordan Belfort: Right! Right, exactly. So there's a silver lining to that too, honey. Because they said eventually everyone's going to have to give information on this case so at the end of the day it might not even be a factor.

Naomi Lapaglia: Well that's good news. right?

Jordan Belfort: Yeah! Yeah.

Naomi Lapaglia: I'm really happy for you.

Jordan Belfort: What do you mean happy for me? Sweetheart, you should be happy for the both of us. Right?

Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah. Right.

Jordan Belfort: Brad, show them how it's done. Sell me that pen. Watch. Go on.

Brad: You want me to sell you this fucking pen?

Jordan Belfort: That's my boy right there. Can fucking sell anything.

Brad: Why don't you do me a favor. Write your name down on that napkin for me.

Jordan Belfort: I don't have a pen.

Brad: Exactly. Supply and demand, my friend.

Jordan Belfort: But before you depart this room full of winners, I want you to take a good look at the person next to you. Go on. Because sometime in the not-so-distant future, you're gonna be pulling up at a red light, in your beat-up old fucking Pinto, and that person's gonna be pulling up right alongside you in their brand new Porsche. With their beautiful wife by their side, who's got big voluptuous tits. And who're you gonna be sitting next to? Some disgusting wildebeest with three days of razor-stubble, in a sleeveless muumuu, crammed in next to you in a carload full of groceries from the fucking Price Club. That's who you're gonna be sitting next to!

Jordan Belfort: Donnie and I were going out on our own. And the first thing we needed was brokers. Guys with Sales experience. So I recruited some of my home town boys. Sea Otter, who sold meat and weed. Chester, who sold tires and weed. And Robbie, who sold anything he can get his hands on, mostly Weed. This is Brad, and Brad is the guy i really wanted. But he didn't go along with us. He was making so much money selling Quaaludes that he become the Quaalude King of Bayside.

Jordan Belfort: Donnie and I were going out on our own. And the first thing we needed was brokers. Guys with sales experience. So I recruited some of my hometown boys: Sea Otter, who sold meat and weed; Chester, who sold tires and weed; and Robbie, who sold anything he could get his hands on, mostly weed.

Jordan Belfort: Even though I own 85% of Steve Cocksucking Motherfucking Madden Shoes, the shares were in his fucking name!

Jordan Belfort: Every person around here, they want to get rich and they want to get rich quickly. They all want something for nothing.

Alden Kupferberg: There was this one time I was selling pot to this Amish dude. You know those guys who got like the beard with, like, no mustache or some bullshit? Well, he says that he only wants to make furniture.

Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): I don't understand

Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking about?

Alden Kupferberg: I'm not putting words in your mouth or nothing, but you just said that everybody wants to get rich.

Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): Holy fuck, you did just say that.

Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking about?

Alden Kupferberg: Yeah, like Buddhists. They don't give a shit about money. They're wrapped in sheets. They're not buying shit.

Jordan Belfort: I'm not talking about Buddhists or Amish. I'm talking about normal people, working-class everyday people. Everyone wants to get rich. Am I crazy?

Chester Ming: There's no such thing as an Amish Buddhist. I'm pretty fucking sure.

Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): There could be.

Jordan Belfort: Do you guys not want to make money?

Alden Kupferberg: [All at once] I want to make money.