The Sweetest Thing

Christina: Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now.

Christina: Ew! What is that?

Courtney: What is what?

Christina: You don't smell that?

Courtney: Smell what? I don't smell anything.

Christina: Oh Jesus! You're used to it, and that's, that's what's really scary!

Courtney: I don't smell anything!

Christina: It smells like moldy ass is what it smells like in here!

Courtney: Wait a minute, come to think of it, I did leave some ass in the back.

Christina: You did!

Courtney: I did, about a week a ago. I did, it's the ass! It must be the ass!

Christina: How are you stuck?

Andy: I have a piercing...

[the entire crowd recoils in shock]

San Francisco Policeman #2: I don't get it, how are they stuck?

Male bystander: [smiles] Behind her tonsils

San Francisco Policeman #2: How do you know that?

[Awkward pause]

Christina: I got a penis in my eye.

Courtney: Let me see.

Christina: How is it? Is it okay?

Courtney: Yeah, it's okay, but I think you're pregnant.

Christina: I wasn't suggesting that the two of you get married, I just thought maybe you could get it on!

Christina: [Reading] Follow the yellow brick road? Huh! I'm following the yellow brick road... following the yellow brick...

Christina: [Comes across a picture of a dog with a hole in its mouth, she gasps] MUFFY! You look like my old doggy Muffy! What's in your mouth? What's in your mouth?

[more seriously]

Christina: What do you got in there?

[looks into the hole]

Man in the Glory Hole: Surprise!

Christina: Wanna hear some poetry? There once was a man from Bandoo. Who fell asleep in a canoe. He dreamed of Venus and played with his penis and woke up with a hand full of goo!

Christina: You're too big to fit in here...

[covers her front]

Courtney: Too big to fit in HERE...

[smacks butt]

Courtney: OW! Unh!

Jane: Too big to fit in here...

[covers mouth and moans]

Christina: [Patrons begin playing music and drumming on things] Oh, my God!

Courtney: Oh my god, we are in Fame right now!

ChristinaJaneCourtney: [All singing] What a lovely ride

Jane: Your penis is a thrill!

Christina: Your penis is a Cadillac!

Courtney: A giant Coupe DeVille!

ChristinaJaneCourtney: [All singing] Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load.

Courtney: And when it makes delivery...

Christina: It needs its own zip code! Nine-double zero PENIS!

ChristinaCourtney: Jane! JANEYYY!

Jane: Sorry you guys, I'm really busy and...

ChristinaCourtney: Hey, wait, Jane

[they begin singing]

ChristinaCourtney: "Do you like Pina Coladas? And getting caught in the rain...?"

Jane: [Watches her boyfriend in his mascot outfit topple down a flight of stairs] ... shit!

ChristinaJaneCourtney: [All Singing] What a lovely ride!

Jane: Your penis is a thrill!

Christina: Your penis is a Cadillac

Jane: A giant Coupe DeVille!

ChristinaJaneCourtney: [All singing] Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load!

Christina: And when it makes delivery...

ChristinaJaneCourtney: [All singing] It needs its own zipcode

Christina: Nine-Double Zero, Penis!