The New Guy

Starring DJ Qualls, Lyle Lovett, Eliza Dushku, Zooey Deschanel
Genre: Comedy
Released In 2002

Kiki Pierce: Denial is not just a river in Egypt!

Kiki Pierce: [to Dizzy's dad] I'm afraid your son has Tourettes Syndrome.

Dizzy: Are you out of your fucking mind?

Bear: [roasting marshmallows] Remember: Turn, don't burn.

Coach: You stole my horse, maggot! Do you know what the penalty is in this state for stealing another man's horse?

Dizzy/Gil: Death?

Coach: This isn't Iraq, son.

Nora: He's got kind of a... Brad Pitt thing going there.

Glen: I saw a little... Anne Heche there too. Does *that* sound gay?

Nora: No animals are nicer. They don't boo when they're killing something.

Danielle: Carmen: more cheer, less pole dance, 'kay? You don't want guys stuffing bills down your panties.

Carmen: What panties?

Danielle: I don't even know what to call you.

Dizzy/Gil: Broke-dick seems to be popular.

Mr. Undine: We got a homecoming dance coming up in a month or so and it has been the most god-awful experience for everyone involved, right Coach?

[Coach winces]

Mr. Undine: Do you have any ideas on how we might turn this thing around?

Dizzy/Gil: Good music?

Mr. Undine: [Enlightened] Music! Hey, that is a fantastic idea, son. You see that? Hey!

Luther: High school is a lot like prison: Bad food, high fences; the sex you want, you ain't gettin', the sex you gettin', you don't want. I've seen terrible things.

Dizzy: Yesterday, an eighty-year-old librarian broke my penis.

Luther: You win.