Mean Girls

Gretchen: I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm popular.

Gretchen: Regina, we have to talk to you.

Regina: Is butter a carb?

Cady: [Rudely] YES.

Gretchen: Regina, you're wearing sweatpants. It's Monday.

Regina: So...?

Karen: So that's against the rules, and you can't sit with us.

Regina: Whatever. Those rules aren't real.

Karen: They were real that day I wore a vest!

Regina: Because that vest was disgusting!

Gretchen: You can't sit with us!

Regina: [pause] These sweatpants are all that fits me right now.

Regina: [after being ignored] Fine! You can walk home, bitches.

Gretchen: [in her English class essay, after being humiliated by Regina] Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just *stab* Caesar!

Cady: [Voiceover] Gretchen Wieners had cracked.

Gretchen: [reading from the Burn Book] Trang Pak is a grotsky, little byotch.

Regina: Still true.

Gretchen: Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin.

Regina: Still half-true.

Karen: Amber D'Alessio . She made out with a hot dog.

Gretchen: Janis Ian-DYKE.

Karen: [pointing to Damien in background of picture] Hey, who is that?

Gretchen: I think it's that kid, Damien.

Cady: Yeah, he's almost too gay to function.

[Karen & Gretchen chuckle]

Regina: That's funny, put that in there.

Gretchen: [Talking to Cady] And you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week, so I guess you chose today.

Gretchen: [to Cady] If only you knew how mean she really is... You'd know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hannakuh my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and I had to pretend like I didn't even like them and... it was so sad. And you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT prep but really she's hooking up with Shane Oman in the projection room above the auditorium! I never told anybody that because I am *such* a good friend!

[begins to cry]

Gretchen: That is so fetch!

Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!

Gretchen: Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!

Cady: [voiceover] Gretchen Wieners had cracked.

Mr. Duvall: Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls!

Mr. Duvall: Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?

Aaron Samuels: No.

Kevin Gnapoor: What are marijuana tablets?