Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
Bart Tatlock: Butlin!
Amy Butlin: You called me in, sir?
Larry: You gotta be kiddin' me. First I lose my promotion to the pissed off crippled feller that's only been here three weeks and now you expect me, a man of my tenure, to work with a dadgum boy?
Amy Butlin: I'm Amy... Butlin.
Larry: So your parents gave you a girly name to toughen you up? I like that.
Amy Butlin: I've been, uh, very eager to be part of a collaboration ever since I graduated from the academy, I really want to get out on the field and prop...
Larry: [farts loudly, interrupts Butlin, waves his hand to make sure the fart goes away and reaches for Butlin's hand, farts again]
Larry: [to Butlin] You ever fart so loud your back cracks?
Larry: Oh man, I gotta get out of here. Lord Jesus and Dale Earnheardt, Jr, I'm a dadgum tickin' time bomb!
Amy Butlin: That's my partner? Seriously?
Bart Tatlock: The city is being sued for a damaged coccyx.
Bart Tatlock: You think this is funny?
Larry: No. I am crying on the inside, okay.
Amy Butlin: Damn it, I am a woman. I have breasts! They may not be especially large, but they're perky, and my nipples could cut glass!
Amy Butlin: Larry, when are you gonna inspect your own health? We can't lose you to this. Last year, 2000, we lost your Momma and Poppa to that gravy injection tragedy. I don't want to lose you in the year 2001!
Larry: It's alright honeysuckle. I will be a-okay, and then we will all be together once again, and maybe I'll install some cable. I am still doing the annual gravy injection this year, I gotta support my departed folks, you understand.
Dex Phartzhorny: Larry, bad news. President Wang has got a couple terrorists on the line. They're talking about an attack in NYC in September this year, and they need you to disguise yourself as a health inspector to get on a flight and take down the terrorist first.
Larry: Them yankees are too busy sucking on their coffees and looking at their cellphones to get serious about our freedoms, man, and I will give them terrorist taliban son's of bitches what for! Nobody messes with the U.S.A! Hey terrorists, tonight the cable is free!
Jane Whitley: Nice Rod, Larry.
Larry: [to himself] She said "Rod."
Larry: He's going down faster than a bottle of vodka in Courtney Love's house.
Larry: Ms. Macechelli was dilling his pickle
Jane Whitley: Dilling his pickle?
Larry: Chucking his corn.
Amy Butlin: Chucking his corn?
Larry: Trimming his tree.
Jane Whitley: Trimming his tree?
Larry: Branching his limb.
Amy Butlin: Branching his limb?
Larry: Oh, I can do this all day.
Larry: On one hand, Kid Rock wants to take me fishing. On the other, I have Jane, who's a real woman, who wants to get naked with me in a biblical way.
Larry: She was so ugly, she coulda trick or treated over the telephone.
Larry: [Jane farts] Ooh, I bet that left a mark.
[Jane farts louder]
Larry: Sounds like you got something honking for the right of way.