Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector

Bart Tatlock: Butlin!

Amy Butlin: You called me in, sir?

Larry: You gotta be kiddin' me. First I lose my promotion to the pissed off crippled feller that's only been here three weeks and now you expect me, a man of my tenure, to work with a dadgum boy?

Amy Butlin: I'm Amy... Butlin.

Larry: So your parents gave you a girly name to toughen you up? I like that.

Amy Butlin: I've been, uh, very eager to be part of a collaboration ever since I graduated from the academy, I really want to get out on the field and prop...

Larry: [farts loudly, interrupts Butlin, waves his hand to make sure the fart goes away and reaches for Butlin's hand, farts again]

Larry: [to Butlin] You ever fart so loud your back cracks?


Larry: Oh man, I gotta get out of here. Lord Jesus and Dale Earnheardt, Jr, I'm a dadgum tickin' time bomb!

Amy Butlin: That's my partner? Seriously?

Bart Tatlock: The city is being sued for a damaged coccyx.

Larry: [laughing]

Bart Tatlock: You think this is funny?

Larry: No. I am crying on the inside, okay.

Amy Butlin: Damn it, I am a woman. I have breasts! They may not be especially large, but they're perky, and my nipples could cut glass!

Amy Butlin: Larry, when are you gonna inspect your own health? We can't lose you to this. Last year, 2000, we lost your Momma and Poppa to that gravy injection tragedy. I don't want to lose you in the year 2001!

Larry: It's alright honeysuckle. I will be a-okay, and then we will all be together once again, and maybe I'll install some cable. I am still doing the annual gravy injection this year, I gotta support my departed folks, you understand.

Dex Phartzhorny: Larry, bad news. President Wang has got a couple terrorists on the line. They're talking about an attack in NYC in September this year, and they need you to disguise yourself as a health inspector to get on a flight and take down the terrorist first.

Larry: Them yankees are too busy sucking on their coffees and looking at their cellphones to get serious about our freedoms, man, and I will give them terrorist taliban son's of bitches what for! Nobody messes with the U.S.A! Hey terrorists, tonight the cable is free!

Jane Whitley: Nice Rod, Larry.

Larry: [to himself] She said "Rod."

Larry: He's going down faster than a bottle of vodka in Courtney Love's house.

Larry: Ms. Macechelli was dilling his pickle

Jane Whitley: Dilling his pickle?

Larry: Chucking his corn.

Amy Butlin: Chucking his corn?

Larry: Trimming his tree.

Jane Whitley: Trimming his tree?

Larry: Branching his limb.

Amy Butlin: Branching his limb?

Larry: Oh, I can do this all day.

Larry: On one hand, Kid Rock wants to take me fishing. On the other, I have Jane, who's a real woman, who wants to get naked with me in a biblical way.

Larry: She was so ugly, she coulda trick or treated over the telephone.

Larry: [Jane farts] Ooh, I bet that left a mark.

[Jane farts louder]

Larry: Sounds like you got something honking for the right of way.