Inglourious Basterds

Lt. Aldo Raine: Before we yank that slug out you, you need to answer a few questions.

Bridget von Hammersmark: Few questions about what?

Lt. Aldo Raine: About I got three men dead back there. Why don't you try telling us what the fuck happened?

Bridget von Hammersmark: The British officer blew his German act and the Gestapo major saw it.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Before we get into who shot John, why'd you invite my men to a rendezvous in a basement with a bunch of Nazis?

Lt. Aldo Raine: My name is Lt. Aldo Raine and I'm putting together a special team, and I need me eight soldiers. Eight Jewish-American soldiers. Now, y'all might've heard rumors about the armada happening soon. Well, we'll be leaving a little earlier. We're gonna be dropped into France, dressed as civilians. And once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwhackin' guerrilla army, we're gonna be doin' one thing and one thing only... killin' Nazis. Now, I don't know about y'all, but I sure as hell didn't come down from the goddamn Smoky Mountains, cross five thousand miles of water, fight my way through half of Sicily and jump out of a fuckin' air-o-plane to teach the Nazis lessons in humanity. Nazi ain't got no humanity. They're the foot soldiers of a Jew-hatin', mass murderin' maniac and they need to be dee-stroyed. That's why any and every son of a bitch we find wearin' a Nazi uniform, they're gonna die. Now, I'm the direct descendant of the mountain man Jim Bridger. That means I got a little Injun in me. And our battle plan will be that of an Apache resistance. We will be cruel to the Germans, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the German won't not be able to help themselves but to imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And the German will be sickened by us, and the German will talk about us, and the German will fear us. And when the German closes their eyes at night and they're tortured by their subconscious for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good?

Sgt. Donny DonowitzPfc. HirschbergPfc. Andy KaganPfc. Simon SakowitzPfc. Omar UlmerPfc. Smithson UtivichCpl. Wilhelm WickiPfc. Michael Zimmerman: YES, SIR!

Lt. Aldo Raine: That's what I like to hear. But I got a word of warning for all you would-be warriors. When you join my command, you take on debit. A debit you owe me personally. Each and every man under my command owes me one hundred Nazi scalps. And I want my scalps. And all y'all will git me one hundred Nazi scalps, taken from the heads of one hundred dead Nazis. Or you will die tryin'.

Lt. Aldo Raine: [Aldo shoots Hans' driver Hermann, and gives Utivich a knife] Scalp Hermann.

Col. Hans Landa: Are you mad? What have you done? I made a deal with your general for that man's life!

Lt. Aldo Raine: Yeah, they made that deal, but they don't give a fuck about him. They need you.

Col. Hans Landa: You'll be shot for this!

Lt. Aldo Raine: Nah, I don't think so. More like chewed out. I've been chewed out before.

Lt. Aldo Raine: [Drawing a map] Up the road apiece, there's an orchard. Now, besides you, we know there's another kraut patrol fuckin' around there somewhere. Now if that patrol were to have any crackshots, that orchard would be a goddamn sniper's delight. Now, if you ever want to eat a sauerkraut sandwich again, you gotta show me on this here map where they are, you gotta tell me how many there are, and you gotta tell me what kinda artillery they're carrying with 'em.

Sgt. Werner Rachtman: You can't expect me to divulge information that would put German lives in danger.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Well, now Werner, that's where you're wrong, because that's exactly what I expect. I need to know about Germans hiding in them trees, and you need to tell me, and you need to tell me right now. Now, just take that finger of yours and point out on this here map where this party's being held, how many's coming, and what they brought to play with.

Sgt. Werner Rachtman: [puts his hand over his heart] I respectfully refuse, sir.

Lt. Aldo Raine: [a smack is heard offscreen] Hear that?

Sgt. Werner Rachtman: Yes.

Lt. Aldo Raine: That's Sgt. Donny Donowitz. You might know him better by his nickname: "The Bear Jew". Now, if you heard of Aldo the Apache, you gotta have heard of the Bear Jew.

Sgt. Werner Rachtman: I've heard of the Bear Jew.

Lt. Aldo Raine: What d'you hear?

Sgt. Werner Rachtman: He beats German soldiers with a club.

Lt. Aldo Raine: He bashes their brains in with a baseball bat is what he does. Now, Werner, I'm gonna ask you one last goddamn time, if you still respectfully refuse, I'm callin' the Bear Jew over. He's gonna take that big bat of his, and he's gonna beat your ass to death with it. Now, take your wiener schnitzel lickin' finger and point out on this map what I want to know.

Sgt. Werner Rachtman: [after brief pause] Fuck you... and your Jew dogs!

[the Basterds all laugh]

Lt. Aldo Raine: Actually, Werner, we're all tickled to here you say that. Quite frankly, watchin' Donny beat Nazis to death is the closest we ever get to goin' to the movies. Donny!

Sgt. Donny Donowitz: [from offscreen] Yeah?

Lt. Aldo Raine: We got a German here who wants to die for his country! Oblige him!

Lt. Aldo Raine: [trying to speaking Italian in an attempt to fool Landa to keep up his cover as an Italian actor] Gwatzeeeeee. Gwatzeeee. Gwatzeeee.

Lt. Aldo Raine: [very bad Italian accent] Arriverderci.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Well, I speak the most Italian, so I'll be your escort. Donowitz speaks the second most, so he'll be your Italian cameraman. Omar speaks third most, so he'll be Donny's assistant.

Pfc. Omar Ulmer: I don't speak Italian.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Like I said, third best. Just keep your fuckin' mouth shut. In fact, why don't you start practicing, right now!

Lt. Aldo Raine: You didn't say the goddamn rendezvous was in a fuckin' basement.

Lt. Archie Hicox: I didn't know.

Lt. Aldo Raine: You said it was in a tavern.

Lt. Archie Hicox: It is a tavern.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Yeah, in a basement. You know, fightin' in a basement offers a lot of difficulties. Number one being, you're fightin' in a basement!

Lt. Aldo Raine: You know, where I'm from...

Col. Hans Landa: Yeah, where is that, exactly?

Lt. Aldo Raine: Maynardville, Tennessee.

[pause]

Lt. Aldo Raine: I've done my share of bootlegging. Up 'ere, if you engage in what the federal government calls 'illegal activity,' but what we call 'just a man tryin' to make a livin' for his family sellin' moonshine liquor,' it behooves oneself to keep his wits. Long story short, we hear a story too good to be true... it ain't.

Col. Hans Landa: Sitting in your chair, I would probably say the same thing. And 999 point 999 times out of a million, you would be correct. But in the pages of history, every once in a while, fate reaches out and extends its hand.

[Landa slowly sweeps his arms out in a grand shrug]

Col. Hans Landa: What shall the history books read?

Lt. Aldo Raine: You probably heard we ain't in the prisoner-takin' business; we in the killin' Nazi business. And cousin, business is a-boomin'.