Half Baked

I'm Only Creative When I Smoke Smoker: Would you like to hear some of my poetry?

Thurgood Jenkins: Not really, no.

I'm Only Creative When I Smoke Smoker: You really should. "I have killed. I have helped kill. I have killed part of myself. I cannot change this. I... I must seek Buddha. I must seek Christ"

Thurgood Jenkins: You must seek therapy. But that's just where I would go with that.

Squirrel Master: Back up Nasty Nate, this my bitch!

Nasty Nate: Better watch your back Fish! Squirrel Master ain't gonna be there for you all the time. Next time I come for you, I'm gonna want some cocktail... FRUIT!

Kenny: Here take it!

[walks away with Squirrel Master]

Kenny: I'm somebody's bitch!

Historian Smoker: You know, back in the '60s we used to smoke this shit on the street. Cops didn't say nothin', hell, they was gettin' high, too. Everybody was good. It wasn't a thing to do because it was a thing to do, you know? It was a thing to do because it got you high. Can you dig it?

Thurgood Jenkins: Oh, I feel you, that's why I'm doin' it. I feel you. Man, you're cool as shit, mister. I hate to do it, but I gotta charge you. That's 60 bucks.

Historian Smoker: 60 bucks? Man, I remember when a dimebag cost a dime, you know what I mean?

[pause]

Historian Smoker: You know how much condoms used to cost back in them days?

Thurgood Jenkins: How much?

Historian Smoker: I don't know, we never used 'em.

[both start laughing]

Kenny: I didn't know that horse was a diabetic!

Kenny: I love horses.

Cop: I love horses.

Kenny: I love Butterstuff.

Cop: Buttercup!

Kenny: Butternuts!

Cop: BUTTERCUP!

Kenny: Cup!

Kenny: In eleven days I'm as good as skewered! Ever take your clothes off and run backwards through a cornfield?

Kenny: No. NO. NO! Devil man! Devil 6-6-6, the mark of the beast! No! Naughty! Naughty jungle of love!

Kenny: [to horse] Hey, girl! You hungry?

Overweight Woman: [walking by and overhears] Fuck you, nigga!

Kenny: I'm sorry! I was talking to the horse.

Kenny: You guys gotta get me out of here! There's this guy Nasty Nate who wants my cocktail fruit, and everyone here likes fresh fish! Then The Squirrel Master came out of left field and told me I'm his bitch!

Employee: [speaking into microphone] One Heffer with cheese.

Scarface: You son of a bitch, I'm right behind you! Turn around and ASK me for a Heffer with cheese, yo! Why you gotta make me feel inferior because I'm workin' the grill, B? Damn!

Employee: [into the microphone] Sorry.