First Sunday

Durell: I'm not gonna lose my son!

Durell: Promise me somethin. Promise me you'll be better than me.

Durell Jr.: OK. You promise me somethin. Promise me you won't let mom take me to Atlanta. Please

Durell: Um, excuse me?

Rickey: Excuse you? Don't nobody even know you!

Durell: You need to worry about getting your hair burnt.

Omunique's Client: You need to be worrying about burning yourself out a job.

Deacon: I object!

Rickey: We all object. Answer the question.

Assistant D.A.: These miscreants...

Rickey: Miscreants? We are African-Americans!

Judge B. Bennet Galloway: Mr. Jackson, six months ago you were caught shoplifting at a Stop 'N Shop, with a box full of Ding Dongs and a six pack of Banana Strawberry Boone's Farm.

LeeJohn: Uh, your honor, it was Goober Grape.

Judge B. Bennet Galloway: When the arresting officer searched you, he found a twenty dollar bill in your pocket. Why didn't you just pay for it?

LeeJohn: Because this dude named Bo-Peep was on my ass about twenty dollars and I...

Sister Doris: Do you like birthday parties, Leonard... I mean, LeeJohn?

LeeJohn: I don't know. I never had one.

Sister Doris: You never had a birthday party?

LeeJohn: When they took me to my foster home, they lost my birth certificate. So, nobody never knew when my birthday was.

Sister Doris: Aww... I know when it is.

LeeJohn: You do? When?

Sister Doris: Today!

Pastor Arthur Mitchell: Actually, your honor, we have a lot of witnesses here that are willing to testify to a lot of things... like embezzlement.

Tianna: Misappropriation of funds.

Sister Doris: Falsifying documents.

Rickey: Not to mention, wearing an easter suit with a halloween shirt and tie set!

Pastor Arthur Mitchell: [to the congregation] You have to ask yourself: Would a man rob God?