Durell: I'm not gonna lose my son!
Durell: Promise me somethin. Promise me you'll be better than me.
Durell Jr.: OK. You promise me somethin. Promise me you won't let mom take me to Atlanta. Please
Durell: Um, excuse me?
Rickey: Excuse you? Don't nobody even know you!
Durell: You need to worry about getting your hair burnt.
Omunique's Client: You need to be worrying about burning yourself out a job.
Deacon: I object!
Rickey: We all object. Answer the question.
Assistant D.A.: These miscreants...
Rickey: Miscreants? We are African-Americans!
Judge B. Bennet Galloway: Mr. Jackson, six months ago you were caught shoplifting at a Stop 'N Shop, with a box full of Ding Dongs and a six pack of Banana Strawberry Boone's Farm.
LeeJohn: Uh, your honor, it was Goober Grape.
Judge B. Bennet Galloway: When the arresting officer searched you, he found a twenty dollar bill in your pocket. Why didn't you just pay for it?
LeeJohn: Because this dude named Bo-Peep was on my ass about twenty dollars and I...
Sister Doris: Do you like birthday parties, Leonard... I mean, LeeJohn?
LeeJohn: I don't know. I never had one.
Sister Doris: You never had a birthday party?
LeeJohn: When they took me to my foster home, they lost my birth certificate. So, nobody never knew when my birthday was.
Sister Doris: Aww... I know when it is.
LeeJohn: You do? When?
Sister Doris: Today!
Pastor Arthur Mitchell: Actually, your honor, we have a lot of witnesses here that are willing to testify to a lot of things... like embezzlement.
Tianna: Misappropriation of funds.
Sister Doris: Falsifying documents.
Rickey: Not to mention, wearing an easter suit with a halloween shirt and tie set!
Pastor Arthur Mitchell: [to the congregation] You have to ask yourself: Would a man rob God?