Ellen: The Ellen DeGeneres Show

Robert Downey Jr.: I play an evil scientist in The Shaggy Dog, and I'm a lot like the character I play. Except I'm not evil.

Ellen: Or a scientist.

[Audience laughs]

Robert Downey Jr.: [Closes eyes] This is one of those moments I just need to to stop and recollect my thoughts.

Ellen: Hi, where are you from?

Audience Member: Orlando, Florida.

Ellen: Oh, we were just there. Did you come see us?

Audience Member: Ah, no. I couldn't. That's why I'm here now.

Ellen: Oh, well, that's much more convenient.

Ellen: Hi, where are you from?

Stand-In DJ: I was born in Sydney, Australia, but I moved here fourteen years ago.

Ellen: Oh, well in case no-one has said it yet, welcome to our country!

Ellen: I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

Ellen: I'm really glad that high jeans are coming back in fashion, cause you know how all the jeans are low now? And cause, you know, sometimes I have to bend down

[Audience laugh]

Ellen: No, but it's really good higher jeans are coming back in fashion. Remember the jeans back in the 80's? That kinda high was good. But any higher and they'd be strapless jeans.

Ellen: Make me dance Tony!

Ellen: Now before we continue on, is it, do I call you "sir"?

Paul McCartney: King.

Ellen: [During her stand-up routine] You know how you always expect someone to think the same as you and then your like, really shocked when they don't? Like when it's a cold day and you turn to the person next to you and say, 'Its so cold, aren't you cold?' and then they say 'no.' It's kinda like, 'what, are you a communist?'

Ellen: [Playing horses or Hippies] They eat grass.

Audience Member: Hippies.

Ellen: No, it's horses. Hippies don't *eat* grass


Ellen: [Speaking about the Emmy's] You know, winning is not important. It's about how you feel about yourself. And of course, you're gonna feel a whole lot better about yourself if you win.