Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: Can I buy you a drink, Maxine?

Maxine: Are you married?

Craig Schwartz: Yes, but enough about me.

Craig Schwartz: Do you know what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?

Craig Schwartz: Hi. Do you know that I don't even know your name, or where you work?

Maxine: Yeah.

Craig Schwartz: If I can guess your name in three tries, you have to come have a drink with me tonight.

Maxine: Why not?

Craig Schwartz: Okay. You look like a... BarrrRuuu - BellllLuuuu - Lllll - Carolllll - Taaaa-Sharrr - - SusaaannnEmmmmilllly - - Marr - laaarr - Maax... ine - M-M-M - Maxine?

Maxine: Yeah! Who told you?

Craig Schwartz: Nobody told me. That just came out. Isn't that odd?

Craig Schwartz: I like you, I don't know what it is about you.

Maxine: My tits?

Craig Schwartz: No! No, no, no.

Maxine: No?

Craig Schwartz: It's your energy, your attitude, you know, the way you carry yourself.

Maxine: You're not a fag, are you?

Craig Schwartz: No, I am really attracted to you.

Maxine: "No, I am really attracted to you", Christ, you are a fag. Okay, we can share recipes if you like, darling.

Craig Schwartz: No, no, I love your tits, love 'em, I wanna fondle 'em.

Maxine: Great, now we're getting somewhere. Not a chance.

Craig Schwartz: I've fallen in love, and this is what people who've fallen in love look like.

Maxine: Well, you picked the unrequited variety. It's very bad for the skin.

Craig Schwartz: I was thinking about what you were saying the other day, about the orientation film being bullshit.

Maxine: Yes?

Craig Schwartz: I think maybe you're on to something.

Maxine: And fifty other lines to get into a girl's pants.

Craig Schwartz: Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.

Craig Schwartz: [as Maxine Puppet] Tell me, Craig, why do you like puppetering?

Craig Schwartz: [as Craig Puppet] Well Maxine, I'm not sure exactly. Perhaps the idea of becoming someone else for a little while. Being inside another skin - thinking differently, moving differently, feeling differently.

Craig Schwartz: [as Maxine Puppet] Interesting, Craig...

Craig Schwartz: [watching the puppeteer with the giant puppet on TV] Gimmicky bastard!