Elizabeth Halsey: Did you know I walked in on him trying to fuck his dog? Peanut butter everywhere.
Elizabeth Halsey: Hello titties.
Elizabeth Halsey: I'm going to suck your dick like I'm mad at it.
Elizabeth Halsey: I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he's 29. that's what I know.
Elizabeth Halsey: Look Carl, I know that you are a very busy man; so I'm just gonna get right down to it. I've been speaking to various
[quick thinking pause]
Elizabeth Halsey: uh black citizens, who allege that you're test are biased toward white people and orientals.
Carl Halabi: Okay. Lemme tell you something right away. "A"... Orientals test better. "B"... every couple of years we get these cockamamie charges coming in from various parts of the state and - lemme duh-dat - You should hear the things that they call me! Racist. Faggatron. Faggy Hitler. Dick breath. Ok? But, I... am not a racist. I voted for Barack Obama. You can quote me on that.
Elizabeth Halsey: Sign my yearbook.
Russell Gettis: Hold my ball sack.
Elizabeth Halsey: [takes bite out of an apple] I thought the teachers were supposed to get the apples.
Amy Squirrel: Well I think the students teach me at least as much as I teach them. That's just something I say sometimes.
Elizabeth Halsey: Stupid.
[tosses apple at a recycle bin and misses]
Elizabeth Halsey: Well, that's my spiel, as the Jews say.
Scott Delacorte: Hey, they don't make songs like this anymore, right?
Russell Gettis: Ya know, that's actually not true, Scott. I'm writing a song right now called 855824177 ext. 777.
Scott Delacorte: Oh, I'm dry humping the shit out of you.
Elizabeth Halsey: Oh yeah, dry fuck the fuck out of me, Scott!
Scott Delacorte: Just stop talking.