Bad Teacher

Elizabeth Halsey: Did you know I walked in on him trying to fuck his dog? Peanut butter everywhere.

Elizabeth Halsey: Hello titties.

Elizabeth Halsey: I'm going to suck your dick like I'm mad at it.

Elizabeth Halsey: I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he's 29. that's what I know.

Elizabeth Halsey: Look Carl, I know that you are a very busy man; so I'm just gonna get right down to it. I've been speaking to various

[quick thinking pause]

Elizabeth Halsey: uh black citizens, who allege that you're test are biased toward white people and orientals.

Carl Halabi: Okay. Lemme tell you something right away. "A"... Orientals test better. "B"... every couple of years we get these cockamamie charges coming in from various parts of the state and - lemme duh-dat - You should hear the things that they call me! Racist. Faggatron. Faggy Hitler. Dick breath. Ok? But, I... am not a racist. I voted for Barack Obama. You can quote me on that.

Elizabeth Halsey: Sign my yearbook.

Russell Gettis: Hold my ball sack.

Elizabeth Halsey: [takes bite out of an apple] I thought the teachers were supposed to get the apples.

Amy Squirrel: Well I think the students teach me at least as much as I teach them. That's just something I say sometimes.

Elizabeth Halsey: Stupid.

[tosses apple at a recycle bin and misses]

Elizabeth Halsey: Well, that's my spiel, as the Jews say.

Scott Delacorte: Hey, they don't make songs like this anymore, right?

Russell Gettis: Ya know, that's actually not true, Scott. I'm writing a song right now called 855824177 ext. 777.

Scott Delacorte: Oh, I'm dry humping the shit out of you.

Elizabeth Halsey: Oh yeah, dry fuck the fuck out of me, Scott!

Scott Delacorte: Just stop talking.