A Series of Unfortunate Events

Count Olaf: All that I ask is that you do each and every little thing that pops into my head, while I enjoy the enormous fortune your parents left behind.

Count Olaf: ...And I realized I have been a bit standoffish, Shall we say. Which in this case is a big, big word meaning...

Violet Baudelaire: [interrupting] Pure evil.

Count Olaf: Goodbye children. It's been fun.

[leans in]

Count Olaf: I'm gonna get you kids. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I'll *find* you! Oh, you are so deceased!

Count Olaf: Hello, hello, hello! I am your beloved Count Olaf!

Sunny: Gulp.

Count Olaf: Hello, hello, hello.

Count Olaf: Hello, I'm looking for Dr. Montgomery Montgomery. My name is Stephano, I am an Italian man.

Count Olaf: I must say, you are a gloomy looking bunch. Why so glum?

Klaus Baudelaire: ...Our parents just died.

Count Olaf: Ah yes, of course. How very, very awful. Wait! Let me do that one more time. Give me the line again! Quickly, while it's fresh in my mind!

Klaus Baudelaire: [uncertainly] Our parents just died?

Count Olaf: [gasps dramatically]

Sunny: [in baby talk] What a schmuck!

Count Olaf: I will raise these orphans as if they were actually wanted!

Count Olaf: Look it up, bookworm!

Count Olaf: Looks like you could use a little assistance.

Klaus Baudelaire: You're gonna need assistance when we get back to town! Aunt Josephine's gonna tell everyone what happened!

Count Olaf: [sarcastically] And then I'll be arrested and sent to jail and you'll live happily ever after with a friendly guardian, spending your time inventing things and reading books and sharpening your little monkey teeth, and bravery and nobility will prevail at last, and this wicked world will slowly but surely become a place of cheerful harmony, and everybody will be singing and dancing and giggling like the littlest elf! A happy ending! Is that what you had mind?